Exiting Kennedy’s hotel room, I walked down the
lounge with a heavy heart and pain dragging my feet
along.
“Hey, are you alright? How did it go?” Alex calmly
inquired with a mix of pity and curiosity as she
approached me.
“It’s over,” I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes.
Alex embraced me tightly upon hearing those words,
and I couldn’t hold back the flood of tears any longer.
After a while, Alex drove me back to my shop. During
the journey, I remained silent, lost in my thoughts.
When we arrived in front of my shop, Alex gently called
my name, snapping me back to reality.
“Vivian,” she softly called tapping my shoulder, and I
turned to her, feeling lost and confused.
“Hey, don’t torture yourself with overthinking. We
should give him some time, I believe he’s just hurt right
now,” she advised.
“Alex, do you think he will ever come around? With the
way he spoke to me back there, it’s clear he has lost
interest in our marriage. Will he ever forgive me?” I
asked fighting back tears.
Alex took a deep breath and replied, “Honestly, I can’t
guarantee he will forgive you for your actions.”
“Why not?” I asked in shock.
“Vivian, we are Africans remember? Infidelity is rarely
forgiven by African men, regardless of the reasons
behind it. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for our
women, who often learn to forgive their husbands over
time,” Alex explained.
“Isn’t that unfair? Cheating is cheating, regardless of
gender. It doesn’t make sense that our men can’t
forgive us for cheating but expect us to forgive them for
the same act,” I protested.
“Blame it on our society that normalized it, justifying
that men are naturally polygamous and teaching us to
pray and forgive them when they cheat. This norm has
persisted for generations. Remember the story of the
adulterous woman in the Bible? She was caught with a
man, yet only she was condemned. It shows how
cheating is deemed acceptable when it involves a man
but abominable when it’s a woman,” Alex said,
shedding light on the societal bias.
Unfortunately, Alex’s assessment was accurate. It is a
rare and almost insurmountable challenge for an African
man to reconcile with or forgive his unfaithful wife,
especially when he has been faithful throughout the
relationship.
In my desperate quest for my husband’s forgiveness, I
repeatedly returned to the hotel where he was staying.
Eventually, he checked out and concealed his
whereabouts from me. For three agonizing months, we
lived apart, depriving me of any chance to see or
communicate with him. Depression consumed me, and I
drowned in guilt, yet I couldn’t confide in either his
family or mine.
What reason could I possibly give for our marital strife?
How could I face my mother, a prominent leader in the
local Christian women’s organization? What judgment
would my mother-in-law pass on me when she learned
of my infidelity to her gentle-hearted son? I was
ashamed and emotionally drained, knowing that I was
at fault. Then, one day, a divorce lawyer showed up at
our doorstep and presented me with divorce papers,
urging me to sign them.
I was shattered and devastated, realizing that it had all
come to an end. However, I agreed to sign the divorce
papers on the condition that I could see my husband
and speak with him one last time in our home.
In response to my request, Kennedy came home for the
first time in three months. Seeing him, I was rendered
speechless, unable to utter a word. Tears had long since
deserted my eyes, and words failed me. Our children
were overjoyed to have him back, which brought me a
feeling of the fulfillment I longed for.
“So, you wanted to see me?” he began once the
children were asleep.
“Yes, I did,” I replied softly, wearing a sad and feeble
smile.
“Alright, here I am,” he said with indifference.
At that moment, I couldn’t decide which hurt more: his
treatment of me as a stranger or his readiness to throw
away everything we had built over the past six years.
“I wanted to be sure if this is what you truly want,” I
said.
“Of course, Vivian, isn’t it clear to you that there is
nothing left between us? The bond, the trust, and the
affection are all gone,” he stated, devoid of emotion.
“How would you know if you keep avoiding and
staying away from me? Kennedy, I will sign the divorce
papers, but first, I need to be certain that I am making
the right decision. I need to be sure that there’s nothing
left worth holding onto. Please, just grant me this one
last request for the sake of what we shared,” I
implored.
“And how do you intend to achieve that?” he inquired.
“First, you have to return home. I can sleep in a
separate room if sharing a bed with me makes you
uncomfortable. All I ask is for you to give me six
months to attempt to restore what we once had,” I
explained.
“…and what happens if you fail at restoring it?” he
interjected.
“Then, I promise that I will accept my fate and sign the
divorce papers like you wanted,” I replied.
“Alright, In that case, I will need some time to think it
over,” he said, swiftly rising from his seat. “Good night,
Vivian,” he added before leaving the house, presumably
returning to his hotel room or wherever he had been
spending his nights for the past three months.
Fortunately, or so I believed at the time, he responded
a week later and finally returned home with his
belongings. It was a heartwarming moment for me.
True to my promise, I invested immense effort in trying
to rekindle the love and connection my husband and I
had once shared. However, it is fruitless when one
person is diligently working to restore the marriage
while the other seems determined to end it.
My husband’s behavior took a distressing turn. He
stopped eating the meals I prepared, convinced I might
be attempting to use a love potion on him. He ceased
sharing a bed with me, fearing I might try to seduce
him to use Aphrodite products (Kayanmata) to control
him. Suspicion loomed over our every interaction, with
him accusing me of spending time with other men
whenever I returned late from the market or shop. He
even went as far as accusing me of infidelity merely for
engaging in innocent conversations with men, whether
in my shop or elsewhere. I witnessed a side of him I
never knew existed, and he publicly branded me as
promiscuous. Regrettably, I blamed myself for playing a
role in making him so insecure.
His insecurity and altered behavior drained me
physically and emotionally. I found myself yearning for
the six months to swiftly conclude so I could sign the
divorce papers and liberate myself from this turmoil.
Despite my earnest efforts, it became painfully clear
that reconciliation with Kennedy was an impossible
task. Shortly before the six months elapsed, I mustered
the courage to finally open up to both of our parents,
informing them of our decision to file for a divorce in a
few weeks. My mother’s reaction to the news was
particularly harsh, as she felt ashamed and concerned
about her reputation and what other women in her
circle would say upon learning of my transgressions.
Nevertheless, my decision remained unchanged, driven
by the need to spare Kennedy from further emotional
damage. Ultimately, the six months came to a close,
and I signed the divorce papers.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
PRESENT DAY.
Today marks three months since I signed the divorce
papers. My divorce lawyer called a short while ago to
remind me of our official court appearance and the
dissolution of my seven-year marriage to my beloved
husband, Kennedy, with whom I will now be co-
parenting. It saddens me that things ended this way,
but I’ve gained invaluable lessons about the
consequences of deception and infidelity in a marriage.
I understand that once trust is shattered, rebuilding it
can be an impossible and difficult journey, and, a web
of lies can lead to even greater complications,
ultimately resulting in the breakdown of a marriage.
I’ve learned the vital importance of open
communication and honesty in maintaining a healthy
and trusting relationship. Most importantly, I’m
committed to using my experience to educate others,
especially ladies about the dangers of s*xx addiction.
s*xx addiction is real and people often assume that
s*xx and p0rnography addiction is experienced mainly in
men. However, female s*xx addicts exist as well and
they experience the same symptoms as men,
participating in risky behaviors to satisfy their desires.
Just like men, s*xx-addicted women are obsessive
about s*xx. They are constantly thinking about s*xx,
trying to find ways to engage in it, or battling the urge
to have it. For many people, the urge to have s*x can
be severely detrimental, affecting their mental health,
relationships, and even their ability to hold down a job.
That’s how powerful s*x addiction can be.
It is important to understand that although s*x and p0rn
addiction are not “formally” diagnosable, these
conditions exist and often present with very adverse
consequences and high levels of distress, guilt, and
emotional turmoil. It begins with things like excessive
use of p0rn, excessive masturb*tion, phone or cybers*x,
constant patronizing s*x workers, consensual s*xual
activity with multiple partners, spending excessive time
satisfying s*xual needs, and neglecting responsibilities
at home or work. Then it grows to you feeling
powerless over how you act s*xually. Your s*xual
choices begin to make your life unmanageable. You
start feeling shame, embarrassment or even regret over
your s*xual acts (mostly in ladies). You promise yourself
you will change, but fail to keep those promises. You
are so preoccupied with s*x that it becomes like a ritual
to you.
If your s*xual appetite and activities are causing you
distress, consuming your life, and causing harm to your
personal, professional, and/or family life, it’s time to talk
with your healthcare professional. Many people don’t
seek care because they’re ashamed or feel guilty. Your
healthcare team makes no judgment about your s*xual
behavior. They’re there to help you. The best outcome
will be reached if you’re honest and open with
everyone, your family, your partner, your medical team,
and most importantly, yourself. Many treatment options
are available to help you.
Although there isn’t a cure for s*x addiction, however, if
you recognize it and want to end your excessive
thoughts, desires, urges, and behaviors, it can be
effectively managed. It requires your life-long
commitment, just as it would for other types of
addictions. Your healing journey will require you to be
patient and stay focused on your goal. It’s up to you
and I trust you can do it. Your entire healthcare team is
ready to help you. Choose to let them.
I will stop here. Bye, I am off to get ready for my court
appearance. I do hope you’ve learned a lot from my life
story.
THE END!!!
THANKS FOR READING TO THE END.
Now, having read from the beginning to the end of “MY
DESIRES,” who or what do you think is to be blamed
for ViVian’s failed marriage?
1) Vivian, who was a s*x addict and without clear
communication with her husband capitalized on the
assumption that he didn’t care about her needs and
therefore, allowed her s*xual desires to lead her into an
affair with Daniel while her husband was away.
Or,
2) Kennedy, whose intentions may have been to
provide for his family, but he failed to communicate his
past and the reasons behind his workaholic nature to
his wife. Thereby, giving his wife the misconception that
he didn’t care.
Or,
3) Daniel, who despite knowing that Vivian was
married, didn’t know when to draw his boundaries and
kept meddling in her life until she fell for him during her vulnerable state.